I've been thinking lately about how much of our lives we spend waiting for something.
Waiting for the weekend. Waiting for summer. Waiting for the next vacation. Waiting until work slows down, the weather gets better, or we finally have enough time to do the things we've been talking about doing.
And then there's the stuff we literally save for special occasions.
The good bottle of wine. The nice shirt that still has the tag on it. The expensive candle that's never been lit because apparently a regular Tuesday isn't important enough to deserve it.
I get it. If something is special, we want to save it for something special.
But I've started asking myself a question.
What exactly are we waiting for?
Because the older I get, the more I realize that some of the best moments in life aren't the ones we planned months in advance.
They're the ones we almost didn't make time for.
The Days We Plan Versus the Days We Remember
Think about some of your favorite memories.
Sure, there are the big ones. Weddings, birthdays, graduations, vacations, celebrations. The things we put on the calendar, count down to, and spend weeks getting excited about.
Those moments matter.
But when I think about the days that have meant the most to me, a surprising number of them weren't planned at all.
A random afternoon on the boat that turned into an evening nobody wanted to end.
A few friends getting together for what was supposed to be one drink, only to realize hours later that nobody had any intention of leaving.
A conversation that went on far longer than expected because, for whatever reason, everybody had something to say and nobody was in a hurry to go anywhere.
A drive with the windows down, the music turned up, and absolutely no destination in mind.
Nothing extraordinary happened.
And somehow, those are the days I remember.
Nobody spent weeks organizing them. Nobody sent invitations or worried about whether everything would be perfect.
We just showed up.
And we enjoyed being there.
I think that's something we underestimate about life.
The good days aren't always rare.
Sometimes we're just too busy looking ahead to notice we're already having one.
Waiting Has a Cost
Here's something I've learned, sometimes the hard way.
Later isn't guaranteed.
And I don't necessarily mean that in some dramatic, life-or-death sense.
I mean that life changes.
People move. Relationships change. Jobs get busier. Kids grow up. Friends you used to see every weekend become people you catch up with a few times a year.
Not because anybody did anything wrong.
Life just happens.
And the things we assumed we'd always have time for suddenly become things we wish we'd done more often.
I've lost people I would give just about anything to spend one more ordinary afternoon with.
Not necessarily another birthday or holiday.
Just another day.
Another conversation. Another laugh. Another opportunity to sit around and talk about absolutely nothing important.
Those are the things you miss.
And those experiences have changed the way I think about time.
Because the truth is, we spend a lot of our lives assuming there will always be another chance.
Another summer. Another weekend. Another opportunity to get everyone together.
Sometimes there is.
Sometimes there isn't.
And that's why I've become a lot more interested in enjoying the moments that are actually in front of me instead of constantly planning for the ones that might come next.
Not Everything Has to Be an Event
I love a good party.
Anybody who knows me probably knows that.
Give me some good friends, music, food, a few drinks, and a reason to get everybody together, and I'm happy.
But I've also realized that we don't always need a reason.
We don't need a birthday to have people over.
We don't need a holiday to cook a great meal.
We don't need a vacation to spend an afternoon doing something fun.
And we certainly don't need to accomplish something extraordinary before we're allowed to enjoy ourselves.
Sometimes a Wednesday is a perfectly good reason to celebrate Wednesday.
Use the good plates.
Open the bottle you've been saving.
Invite the friends over, even if the house isn't perfectly clean.
Take the afternoon off when you can.
Stay outside a little longer when the weather is beautiful.
Put your phone down long enough to actually enjoy the people sitting across from you.
None of those things are particularly complicated.
But it's amazing how easily we convince ourselves that they can wait.
Being Busy Isn't the Same as Living
I'm guilty of this one.
I like being productive. I like building things, working on projects, setting goals, and having something to look forward to.
There's always another idea, another project, another thing I want to accomplish.
And I genuinely enjoy that part of my life.
But I've also learned that being busy and actually enjoying your life aren't necessarily the same thing.
You can spend an entire week accomplishing things and barely remember anything about it.
You can check every box on your to-do list and still feel like you missed something.
Because somewhere between all the meetings, responsibilities, errands, and plans, it's easy to forget that the point of building a good life is eventually getting to enjoy it.
And I don't think that enjoyment needs to wait until retirement, the next promotion, or the day everything finally falls into place.
There's always going to be something that needs your attention.
Another email. Another deadline. Another problem to solve.
Some of those things are important.
But so is the life happening around them.
And sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is decide that you've done enough for today.
Getting Better at Being Alive
This idea is part of what inspired Good at Being Alive, one of the songs on my new album, Still Figuring It Out.
I wanted to write something that wasn't about heartbreak, regret, or overcoming some major obstacle.
Just a song about enjoying life.
About those moments when you look around, realize you're surrounded by good people, and think to yourself that things are actually pretty great.
Not perfect.
Just great.
A little bit of nothing feels like enough.
That's one of my favorite ideas in the song.
Because I think happiness is often a lot less complicated than we make it.
Sometimes it's sunshine and good music.
Sometimes it's laughing so hard with your friends that you forget what you were laughing about in the first place.
Sometimes it's a quiet morning with nowhere you absolutely have to be.
And sometimes it's realizing that even though there are things in your life you're still working through, there are also a whole lot of things worth appreciating.
I think enjoying life is a skill.
And like most skills, it takes practice.
You have to learn to recognize the good moments while they're happening, instead of only realizing how good they were after they're gone.
You have to get comfortable with the idea that not every moment needs to be productive.
And you have to stop treating happiness like something you earn only after you've finished everything else.
I'm still working on that.
But I think I'm getting better.
The People Are the Occasion
There's another part of this that I think matters even more than the experiences themselves.
The people.
Because when I look back at my favorite memories, it's rarely the restaurant, the boat, the party, or the place that makes them special.
It's who was there.
The people who made me laugh. The ones who showed up when I needed them. The friends who turned an ordinary afternoon into something worth remembering.
And the people who aren't here anymore, but whose presence made those moments what they were.
I think we sometimes get so caught up in planning the perfect experience that we forget the experience was never really the point.
Being together was.
The food doesn't have to be perfect.
The house doesn't have to be spotless.
The weather doesn't always have to cooperate.
And sometimes the best nights are the ones where absolutely nothing goes according to plan.
If the right people are there, chances are you're going to have a pretty good time anyway.
So make the plans.
Invite the people.
And don't wait until there's some big occasion to remind them that you enjoy having them in your life.
The Occasion Is Now
I'm not suggesting we abandon our responsibilities, spend money we don't have, or turn every ordinary day into some elaborate celebration.
That's not realistic.
And honestly, that sounds exhausting.
I'm simply saying that maybe we should stop making happiness something we constantly postpone.
There will always be a reason to wait.
Something to finish first. A better time next month. A weekend when everybody's schedules finally line up.
But there's also something to be said for making the most of the time we already have.
Call the friend.
Take the drive.
Have the dinner.
Play the music a little louder.
Sit outside and watch the sunset, even if you've got things waiting for you inside.
Because someday, the ordinary moments we're living right now are going to be the memories we wish we could revisit.
And I don't want to look back and realize I spent so much time waiting for the next special occasion that I missed a whole bunch of perfectly good days along the way.
So here's to the random Tuesdays that turn into great memories.
To the last-minute plans, the long conversations, the unexpected laughs, and the people who make ordinary life feel extraordinary.
To remembering that we don't need a reason to appreciate what we have.
And to realizing that sometimes the special occasion we've been waiting for is simply being alive, right here, right now.
Life is too short to save all the good days for later.
Sometimes it's worth lighting the candle anyway.
Thanks for reading.
Harbor Vale
