Blog · Behind the Songs · Song: Ghosts I Built

Ghosts I Built: The Future I Imagined

Ghosts I Built came from a relationship years ago that had a pretty significant impact on my life. I actually moved to New York City for someone I cared about deeply.

Looking back, I think I was far more invested in the relationship, and the future I imagined for us, than she ever was.

And ultimately, she ghosted me.

What I'd built

I think the hardest part wasn't necessarily losing her. It was realizing how much of what I thought we had was something I'd built up in my own head.

I had created this entire future around someone, made a major life decision because of it, and eventually had to come to terms with the fact that the relationship wasn't what I believed it was.

I made a home inside my head
In words you never really said

Where the title comes from

Sometimes the ghosts that haunt us aren't just the people who leave. They're the expectations, memories, and futures we created for ourselves that never actually existed.

I fell in love with ghosts I built

Nobody's villain

I don't think she was necessarily a bad person, and I don't think I was wrong for caring.

I think it's easy to look back on something like this and decide someone has to be the villain. But relationships aren't always that simple. She didn't give me the future I wanted, but I also had to recognize that wanting it didn't mean she'd ever promised it to me.

And while disappearing without an explanation hurt, I eventually had to separate what she actually did from everything I'd imagined we could be. The bridge says it pretty plainly:

It's not your fault I built you up
Out of silence and half enough

What I learned

I learned that wanting something badly enough doesn't make it real, and sometimes we're more in love with the possibility of something than the reality of it.

Moving to New York changed my life in ways I never could have predicted. The relationship didn't become what I hoped it would, but the decision led me somewhere I never expected to be.

Looking back, I don't regret the life I built there. I just understand now that the future I imagined with her wasn't the same as the future that was actually waiting for me.

That's what Ghosts I Built is about. Learning to recognize the difference.

Listen

"Ghosts I Built" is track two on No Looking Back, available on Spotify, Apple Music, and everywhere else you listen.

Listen on Spotify · Ghosts I Built on harborvalemusic.com · Listen on your favorite platform

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